Auld Lang Syne

We hear "Auld Lang Syne" every New Year, but how many really know what it means? Basically it is times gone by. This could very well be my theme for 2011 because I found myself living a lot in the past...in the times that have gone by. It is good to cherish memories and look back on them from time to time, but dwelling there too long isn't any way to live. If you spend all of your time looking back, you are sure to miss what is ahead of you. I suppose that is something I need to work on for this new year.

Not yet though. The point of this blog post is to look back at 2011 and share a fraction of the time gone by. As midnight drew near on this day last year, Joey and I sat with my mom as she was lying in her hospice bed. She wasn't able to speak anymore and she spent most of her time sleeping. Even when her eyes were open, we could tell she was someplace else. I'd love to think that she could hear and see us, but I really feel that she was seeing beyond us. Maybe she was sensing and hearing those who passed on before her, calling her to be with them. Maybe the angels were coaxing her towards that all powerful light many say that they are drawn to. Sadly, I will never know.

Joey was actually the last person to carry my mom. The image of my husband carrying my frail mom to that bed is seared into my memory. He didn't do it because he had to, even though he was probably the only one strong enough to do it. He did it because he loved her. When his own mother decided that she was going to step out of his life, my mom stepped in. I am so very blessed to have a husband who had such a great relationship with my mom. He will tell you that she wasn't your typical mother-in-law. They were friends and, most of all, they did love each other.

We sat there on New Year's Eve with the television playing in the background, the countdown beginning, 10...9...8...7...the ball dropping, 6...5...4, and me holding Mom's hand. I couldn't help but think that the countdown was the countdown to a bomb that was soon to be dropped on my life. 3...2...1, people all over celebrated, ringing in the New Year with friends and loved ones. They were sharing that special kiss, cheering, laughing and smiling. Not us. I squeezed my mom's hand, kissed her on the forehead and told her that I loved her...then I cried. Joey did the same. The whole moment seemed so unfair.

Needless to say, I'm not ringing in 2012 with any big celebration. I'll be having another auld lang syne moment. I know I should get over myself and just move on. I know I'm not the only person who has ever lost their mother. BUT...I am one of the few people who lost my mom. We talked to each other every single day without fail. This year has been devastating for me and for a lot of people who were close to her. Not only was she a one-of-a-kind mom, but she was a wonderful grandmother, a devoted wife and an amazing friend.

To everyone reading this, make sure this year counts. Tell everyone you can that you love them each moment you can. Don't allow yourself the chance to have regrets. We only get one life and we need to make it count. Stop living in the the past because that is not living. Take your days one at a time and try not to worry so much. Read Jeremiah 29:11 and trust that it is true. I know every day won't be amazing or even good, but there is a bigger picture. One of my favorite song lines is, "Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance." So give it a chance. Faith has changed my life and helped me live my life, not merely exist in my life.