Thanksgiving Rant

I'm going to rant a bit here just because I feel like it and I have that right. Many of you will disagree with the words below and I expect that. To each their own. This blog is my own.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. The day where we gather with family and loved ones to show that we are thankful for all of the things that we have in life. First off, shouldn't we do that every single day? Each time we wake up and take a breath, we should give thanks. You've been given another day...be thankful!!! It's just like Valentine's Day. Don't make a big deal about the love you share with someone on that day. Make a big deal about it every day!

Let me get to the meat and potatoes of my rant.

For most of the month, my Facebook news feed has been filled with memes and statuses about how terrible it is to participate in Black Friday shopping. Then there are the posts that really chastise those who choose to shop on Thanksgiving evening. Oh the horror and blasphemy!!! <sarcasm>

Before you decide to judge me harshly for my words, know that I don't fully support either side of the debate. I lean more towards one side, but I won't tell you that you're wrong for leaning the other way. I just hope to shine some light of understanding on why I lean the way that I do. I understand the pros and cons of both sides. I know where I stand. You stand where you want. There is not a proper right or wrong on this subject.

I will say that do think it is terrible that some employers force their employees to work when they have family gathered together at home. I mean, if they don't at least try to find an employee who is willing to work on the holiday, that's crappy. On the flip side, nearly every job requires some sort of unfortunate sacrifice at one point or another. Just because the calendar says it's Thanksgiving doesn't mean you have to gather only on that day. Plan around your schedule if you are able. Sadly, this is the world we live in. It's not the same as it was when I was growing up. Back then, the entire city would shut down for holidays (and even on Sundays) and nothing was open. Not even gas stations.

One thing that many tend to forget is that not everyone has a huge family gathering to attend on Thanksgiving day. There are many that have no one at all. Those of you that are blessed with medium to large families seem to be the first to chastise others for being negative and grumpy during the holidays. Sure, when you have so much to be thankful for, it's easy to spew, "Be thankful for what you do have". Really? I think people have the right to be sad for the things that they don't have. Especially when they see and hear you gloat about all of the wonderful things you have and the amazing, large family that you get to share it with. Throughout my 30+ years, I've watched my family go from, "How are we going to fit everyone around the table for dinner," to, "Well, no one is coming over again this year. I wish (name of one of the many loved ones in heaven) were still here." Yes, I will be sad during Thanksgiving and even more so during Christmas. But that does not mean that I am not grateful for the things that I do have and the people that love me. It just means that I miss what once was. I'm allowed to feel those emotions. It's not like I could turn them off even if I wanted to.

I digress.

Shopping on Thanksgiving. I say if you have the money, go for it!!! I'm all about getting a great deal and saving money on things. My husband and I aren't blessed with a fat bank account, so I'm gonna jump at a bargain whenever and wherever I can get one. There is very little I wouldn't do to make sure our kids get some of the stuff they want for Christmas. My husband and I are blessed with great kids who understand that they are lucky to get anything at Christmas and are very appreciative of what they do get. Hell, our oldest son just asked me last night if he could give one of his guitars to his best friend. GIVE!!! God bless him and his compassion!

So for each one of you who has griped and spewed something about how Thanksgiving is the time to spend with your family, listen carefully. The family members that I see on Thanksgiving are the very same family members that I see each and every day. I spend time with them each and every day of the year. I don't grace them with my presence on the holidays only. That being said...if I want to go shopping at 6 p.m. on Thanksgiving day, you can bet your sweet butt that I will. And I will be courteous and understanding of all the people who are working their shifts that day because I understand that they are probably sacrificing time with their families to be there.

(This next paragraph is my favorite. Read it twice if you have to.)

I hope that each of you who have put yourself up on that "holier than thou pedestal" leaves your cell phone, laptop, ebook and whatever electronic device you immerse yourself in at home and/or turned off on Thanksgiving day. Those things take more time away from your loved ones every freaking day of the year than they should! So if you don't like the thought of someone taking time away from families to do shopping, don't be the hypocrite that spends your time with family wrapped up in the world wide web. But...I am willing to bet that I see at least 20 of you posting periodically on the various social networks during your lovely gatherings on Thanksgiving, thus taking time away from your families. Be attuned to them, not just physically next to them. Live in the moment, not in the device.

I guess the main point that I'm trying to make is this: UNDERSTAND that everyone lives a different life. UNDERSTAND that Thanksgiving may just be like any other day to a lot of people. Maybe shopping among strangers will be the only gathering someone has on that day. Maybe milling around a crowded store is the only thing keeping a person from feeling miserably alone and lost in a country where so many are surrounded loved ones.

Sadly, we live in a very greedy world/time/country. And despite my rant, I won't be shopping on Thanksgiving day. I just get tired of all the drama this time of year brings. We are so quick to judge others when we really have no idea what their life is like. We have more judgement and harshness for others when we should have more compassion and understanding.

End rant.

Happy Thanksgiving to the masses and to those who are shopping on Thursday and/or Black Friday, I hope you find some amazing deals!!!

Things You May Not Know About Me

A "get to know me game" has been filling my news feed on Facebook for the past couple of days and I have been reluctant to participate. Basically, the thought that my "friends" are judging me from afar bothers me. I know it shouldn't make a difference, but that's how my mind works.

I doubt that many of these will surprise anyone. I feel that I'm pretty much an open book. OR I just lead a very boring life. (It's probably the latter)

Rather than put my weird tidbits of myself on Facebook for all to see, I will put them in this blog. If people really want to know these quirky things, they can click a link and read about them here. Like you are doing now! So...welcome to my weirdness!!! Here we go.

1. Most people already know that I am afraid of spiders and clowns, but I am also afraid of little people/dwarfs. Maybe "afraid" is the wrong word, but they do make me skittish. I'm not sure why and I feel terrible about it.
2. Raw meat disgusts me. I can't touch it and I really don't like to look at it. That being said, I don't cook. Thank God I married a man who is an excellent cook!
3. I do enjoy baking!
4. I don't like to eat meat on the bone. It's gross. I also don't eat grilled food.
5. I don't drive. It terrifies me more than anything in this world.
6. Wax museums also scare me. Something about the look of a wax figure makes me sick to my stomach. I can't look directly at one for more than a few seconds.
7. I used to collect troll dolls when I was younger. I had hundreds of them.
8. If I'm out and about in the evening/nighttime and I see a house with the lights on and the windows have no blinds or curtains pulled, I will and do look in as I'm passing by. I like to see how other people decorate.
9. I don't have any close girl friends. My close friends either moved away and we lost touch (until social networking came along) or I've been betrayed by them in some way. It's been this way most of my life which is why I prefer to have guy friends. Girls are far too dramatic.
10. I prefer horror movies over chick flicks. Blood and gore is much better than a sappy love story.
11. I like to think that ghosts are real. All things paranormal interests me.
12. Just once, I'd like to speak to a medium so I can make a decision on their validity for myself. (*cough* Long Island Medium *cough*)
13. I have 1 sister, 1 half-sister and 1 half-brother. We aren't a close family though. 
14. Major disasters (natural or caused by man) fascinate me. When it comes to tragedy, I am drawn to it like a moth to a flame. After 9/11, I watched the news non-stop, which ended up giving me horrible nightmares. The more casualties, the more drawn to it I am.
15. Serial killers also fascinate me. My mom was the same way. She read numerous books about serial killers.
16. I love pinups!!! I find the old style pinups alluring. I wish I were still youthful enough to do a pinup style photo shoot.
17. I took out my belly button ring about a month ago after having it for many years and I miss it terribly. I took it out because I feel like I'm too old (and out of shape) to hang on to that youthful trend.
18. I wish I had went to college and followed my childhood dream of becoming a teacher. I love kids and feel more comfortable around them than I do adults. Working with children for 14 years was awesome (even if it was just in a daycare setting).
19. I would have also liked to have been a psychologist or a social worker.
20. I hated my now husband of 16+ years with a passion when he was a Senior and I was a Freshman in high school. We started dating my Sophomore year.
21. We should have 3 kids.
22. I believe that God used my grandmother in a dream to prepare me for the passing of my mom. However, it didn't all make sense until the moment she took her final breath on 1-2011 at 1:11 p.m.

Eyes of a Wallflower

Anyone who really knows me knows that I do not like to be the center of attention. I prefer to blend into the background and keep attention off of myself. My middle name might as well be Wallflower. If I have to stand in front of a group of people, large or small, my anxiety is through the roof! And to speak in front of a group is enough to send me over the edge. I'd rather be lying dead in a casket. I prefer to blend in and observe everyone around me. And as much as I should probably keep this next part to myself, I'm going to get it out in the open. While observing those around me, most of the time I am critiquing, comparing and judging them. I know...I'm awful.

I think I do this in a vain attempt to feel better about myself. I have always been a self-conscious person. As far back as grade school, I remember dwelling on my insecurities. As I get older, I realize that most of my "flaws" weren't ever really flaws at all. Those were traits that made me who I am. That being said...as I get older, I am discovering how quickly legitimate flaws are piling up. Wrinkles, gray hairs, extra pounds and so on. I wasted all of my good years in senseless worry.

Back to the point.

During church this past Sunday, I started writing this blog in my head. I know...that's as awful as me being critical and judgemental. Allow me to explain. My mind kept wandering during the worship music. I don't know if it's because I just wasn't feeling the songs or if it was because people were still shuffling into the room, but I could not focus. And every time someone walked through the doors, my eyes found them and followed them to their seat. Thank goodness people can't feel my stares on them! Then I'd find myself start critiquing the person that I was focused on. Their hair, clothes, the way they were singing...a complete analysis in mere seconds! Then I'd realize what I was doing and would mentally chastise myself. I pictured God looking down on me, shaking His head because He knew what I was doing. In His house no less!!! I knew I had to blog just to get this infraction of mine out there.

Finally it was time to hear the sermon. I thought I'd be good from here on out because I almost always enjoy the teachings. My mind, however, was not willing to listen. Back to wandering.

I partially blame my lack of focus on one of the persons sitting in the row ahead of us. I'm rolling my eyes right now because of how extremely annoyed I was at this person. I admit, as I get older there are more and more little things that just send me over the edge of rational thought. Certain sounds, for instance, make me see red. Snoring, teeth on silverware, crunching/chewing of food are a few examples. Anyway, back to the perpetrator. 

This person obviously missed breakfast that morning because she was feasting upon dry cereal throughout the service. The entire service. **Annoying**. And it wasn't just the fact that I kept seeing her shovel handfuls of dry cereal into her face that drew my attention away from the sermon. It was the constant rustling of the baggie that I was hearing each time her hand clawed for more bits of dried breakfast. **Annoying** Then, on top of that, she kicked off one flip flop, crossed her leg over the other and tapped that foot in the air for far too long. Why did that bother me? Because the bottom of her foot was filthy!!! **Annoying and disgusting**.

The more I let my attention rest on this woman's infractions, the more I could feel my blood start to simmer. So I furrowed my brow and focused more intently on our Pastor's words. Apparently I have some demons that just weren't willing to let me hear what the Pastor was saying because I began to scan the congregation again. A lady was sitting a few rows ahead of us and, me being a female, I started the comparison game. (Please tell me that I'm not the only one who does this). "Is her hair shinier than mine? She has a nice complexion. I wonder where she got that shirt? Why is she wearing jeans? I wonder if my muffin-top looks like that to the person sitting behind me?"

That's when the mini panic set in. "Do I have a muffin-top and can the person behind me see it? If they can see it, are they thinking thoughts like I am thinking about the other lady? If they aren't looking at my muffin-top, can they see my psoriasis? Are they judging me because of my tattoos?" Seriously, am I the only one who thinks like this?!?!

I find myself worrying far too much about what people behind me are thinking. I guess that's because I know how my mind works and if I think that way some times, they must as well. Now, please know that I do not always think like this. I am not a mean, hateful person and I try to accept everyone for who they are. It's crazy how the mind works some times.

It doesn't really seem that there is a point to this blog. I don't suppose there needs to be a point. However, if any of you reading this see me standing behind you in line somewhere, I bet you let me cut in front you. *wink*

Our Michigan Adventure

Since summer break for the kids is almost over, I guess I should do a bit of writing about what our family did during that time. We aren't one of those families that is blessed enough to go on yearly vacations. I wish we were, but that's just not how it is. Heck, we are lucky if we get a vacation every 5 years! Now that I think about it...we've only really had 1 true vacation as a family. That makes me sad. Anyway...Joey had some vacation time and we knew that we wanted to do something with the kids. But what?

We briefly considered going to Holiday World again. Holiday World is a wonderful theme park in Santa Claus, IN. Our family went there in 2008 and had a fantastic time! As much as we love the place though, I knew we were on a limited budget and I also knew that a lot of our time would be spent standing in lines. Pffbbtt!

The boys in Holiday world in 2008. So cute!!!

I'm always up for doing something new. There are so many wonderful places in this world and I want to see as many of them as I can before my time is up. Like I said though, money (like always) was an issue. And let's face it, there aren't a lot of amazingly fun things to do in Indiana. I knew we had to stay fairly close to home though because no one wants to spend the majority of their short vacation in a car.

Then I got to thinking about how I had never seen any of the Great Lakes. Which is a bit ridiculous since one of them touches the state that I have lived in my entire life!!! I knew Joey had been to Michigan before when he was a young boy, so I offered up the idea of going there. He was on board instantly and I was thrilled. Finally, the opportunity to mark another thing off my bucket list! Plus, I'd get to see a lighthouse or two! I have loved the simplistic beauty of lighthouses for years. Knowing that I was finally going to get the chance to view one and snap a photo or two (hundred) had me stoked!

We visited Holland, Grand Haven and Muskegon while we were in Michigan. Each place with their own lighthouse and wonderful beaches! Much to my disappointment, the lighthouse in Grand Haven was being renovated, so it's splendor was unable to be seen. However, that is my only complaint about our visit. The weather was beautiful, the lake was more amazing than I could have imagined and I was with my family. Truly a blessing that I will never forget! Joey and I remarked often how we could see ourselves living in Michigan and becoming beach bums. Ah...the beach! I just can't say enough times how much I love the sun, sand and surf. It feels like the place that I was meant to be. Plopped in the sand as the seagulls fly over and the water laps the shore. Mmm, that's my idea of heaven! Until winter comes and then I'm sure that Michigan would not be my favorite place anymore. I hate the cold.

We may not get to go on a lot of vacations, but when we do...we have fun! I really do hope we can make it back up to Michigan again sometime. There are a lot more lighthouses that I'd like to see and a lot more beaches that I need to lie on. If you have never been to Michigan, I highly recommend it.

Sunset on Lake Michigan

Another tradition that we seem to have started without planning to is how we always go on a mini excursion during our trips. These are usually at the spur of the moment and happen strictly because of our proximity to something we deem worthy of seeing. This time around, our side adventure led us to the University of Notre Dame! When we left Michigan, we drove through South Bend, IN and it would have been incredibly stupid to pass on by without stopping. Joey is a HUGE Notre Dame football fan, so this was really a no-brainer.

Hayden was a party-pooper and stayed in the car while we toured the campus. In hindsight, I should have made him come along. Oh well. Now we have another excuse to go back!

Sadly, we missed the stadium tour by 30 minutes. That was one of those, "Aw man," moments that takes the wind out of your sails. But, we cheered ourselves up with some retail therapy in the Notre Dame bookstore. The one thing I can say about that place is...wow. If you ever need anything Notre Dame, go there. I was excited to find a ND nutcracker to add to Hayden's collection...until I saw the price tag. For a mere $249, he could have had a great souvenir. Needless to say, he didn't get it. However, Joey and I did walk away with reasonably priced t-shirts for each of us.

Notre Dame does have a beautiful campus. I left there with a strong desire to watch the movie Rudy for the hundredth time. We will make it back sometime to see the inside of the stadium. Who knows, maybe we will get lucky and score some tickets to a game. Then Joey could mark that off of his bucket list!

Bottom right: The closest we got to the field...a barred tunnel and a telephoto lens.

Forgiveness

How do you forgive others?

Okay...that's a bit vague I suppose because there is a deeper root to that question. I'm not just talking about the doling out forgiveness to someone just because they bumped into you. I'm not even referring to how you should go about forgiving someone for something as big as backing into your car because they weren't paying attention. I'm talking about the big, MAJOR stuff that can (and sometimes does) change the course of your life's story.

My husband often brings up how I'm the type of person that holds grudges for far too long. He's always telling me not to let things bother me or saying, "Oh well," to things that I am legitimately pissed off about. It's annoying. And it's not annoying because of the frequency of which he does and says these things. It's annoying because I know that he is right and I don't know how to change this flaw in my character. Sometimes I just want to be angry, squint my eyes and think awful thoughts of revenge and justice towards the one that has offended or hurt me. I admit it. There have been some ugly and vengeful thoughts in my mind throughout the years.

Honestly though, if I have put all of my trust into someone and that person shatters that trust and has no remorse about it...how am I not supposed to be angry? And hurt? I think it's the 'hurt' part that makes the anger feel so good, which is why I keep it around for so long. Hurt is a feeling of vulnerability. I don't like it. Any sign of weakness is not okay with me. I'm not one of those gals that enjoys sitting down and sobbing through a chick flick. When did crying become the fun thing to do? Come on ladies...get it together!

I suppose anger is my defense mechanism. If I'm hurt, throw up an anger wall. Problem solved.

Or is it?

Not at all, because now I have a bigger problem. Before you read on, rest assured that it is not my intention to come off as preachy or as some religious nut. But, I do believe in God, trust in Jesus and know that the Bible is a great foundation to build a happy life upon. That being said, I am aware of what the Bible says about forgiveness. Which I guess is another source of my annoyance because I know that my anger and grudges are wrong on a completely different level! The most poignant verse (in my opinion) on forgiveness:

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. - Matthew 6:14-15

See my dilemma? If I don't forgive those people on my "sh*t list", I can't expect my Father in Heaven to forgive me. It's just not going to happen. And if He does not forgive me of my sins...guess where I'm spending my eternity?

This brings me back to my original question. How do you forgive others? 

How do you forgive the rapist, the murderer, the child molester, the bigots and racists? How do forgive people that you bent over backwards to help, even when you could barely help yourself, only for them to stab you in the back and walk away? How do you forgive someone who won't forgive you?

I can say that I forgive someone a hundred times, but I have to mean it. And I'm going to be honest. The "meaning it" part has only happened once, maybe twice in my life. If anything, I simply choose to not think about the circumstance(s) in hopes of forgetting about it all together. I hardly ever truly forgive. If I allow myself to think back on the things that hurt me, the anger and hatred comes rushing back. It's like it happens all over again.

It's like the song below says about forgiveness, "It's the hardest thing to give away".

I suppose there really isn't one good answer to my question. This is an issue that is only going to be solved with a sincere understanding within myself. No amount of preaching or advice is going to flip my forgivable switch. Those things might help me along the way, but I know that true change lies withing myself. In my heart and soul.

I'll get there.

Therapy

I haven't blogged in a looong time and I'm really only doing this now because I seem to feel better after I get thoughts out of my head. I probably won't even publish this particular post. As of now, I don't intend to. I'm simply using this as a form of "therapy".

The past few days have been rough. An issue has arisen in our marriage and I'm just not handling it well at all. Now, I will admit before I spill the beans that it could be way worse. I know that. I should feel blessed that this is my 'issue'. Even I find myself shaking my head. But...it's creating bad ju-ju and it has to be addressed. Right??? Here goes.

I found out that my husband has started smoking again. After almost a year of being smoke-free, this information was like a dart to my happy balloon. I admit, I had a nagging feeling that he might be hiding it before he actually admitted to it, but I chose to put on my blinders and ignore my gut. Every now and then, I'd smell cigarettes. I'd see something that looked like an ash. His kisses were brief. That one. That was the one that ate at me. I even went as far as telling myself that it was because I was losing my looks and the desire just wasn't there. Yeah...my mind is a crazy place.

So why is this eating at me so badly? I wish I could explain that one. This is the part of sharing my feelings that I despise. If I don't have a clear explanation as to why I'm feeling a certain way, I get very frustrated with myself. If I don't understand why I'm feeling like I am, how can I possibly put it into words? I guess my initial reaction to finding out this news happened because I felt betrayed.

One reason why we decided to quit smoking nearly a year ago was because we thought it was greatly frowned upon by my husband's (then new) job. He didn't want to jeopardize that and I couldn't expect him to quit successfully if I was still smoking. Plus, there were the benefits quitting would provide to our health. We had both smoked for at least over 16 years and it was taking it's toll. I still have troubles breathing. I suspect it's emphysema and there's just no turning back time on that. My grandma had emphysema in the worst way and it made her life rough. She told me never to smoke. I should have listened then. Then there is the fact that my husband has diabetes. Smoking and diabetes just don't mix well. Which makes me think of the commercial that I keep seeing on T.V. I even saw it the day I found out that he had picked up the habit again and stopped what I was doing to watch it. Here it is:

This one really, really makes me think. It makes me think about how much I don't want to see my husband have to endure that kind of life. That video chokes me up. I know as humans we all want to say, "That won't happen to me. What are the odds that that will happen to me?" Well, it's possible that that guy said the very same thing. It's scary to think about, so it's easier to pretend like it's a rarity. I get that.

It is pretty hard to hide the fact that you smoke. There's always that smell. No matter how much perfume/cologne/air freshener you spray, you are not going to completely get rid of that smell. And if you are a former smoker who still has cravings and thoughts for a good ol' smoke, you are even more sensitive and attuned to that scent. Even the sound of a lighter being lit makes my cravings kick in. Here is an example of  how sensitive I am to the scent of cigarettes.

Last night, I was having a dream that I was happily puffing away on a cigarette. I could taste it, feel the smoke filling my lungs and, most of all, I could smell it. It was so overwhelming that I woke up. And then I realized exactly why I was dreaming that. It's because I could smell it. My husband had just come back into our bedroom after stepping out for a smoke. Damn. I can't even explain the flood of emotions that hit me in that moment. First and foremost, I wanted a cigarette! Badly. Then I was a little mad. Followed by resentment, sadness, anxiety, more cravings and confusion. It took over 4 hours for that smell to leave the air. I know because it was at least 5 hours before I was able to fall asleep again.

I have to be honest. I have seriously contemplated smoking again just to keep the fact that he is from being an issue. I don't want to smoke again. Well, the irrational side of me that lacks willpower and strength wants to, but the side that looks at the big picture and has reason does not want to. But I also don't want there to be an issue. I don't want a cancer-stick to be something that causes negativity in our marriage. If I smoke again, I won't resent him for doing it. I won't have to battle my inner demons that crave cigarettes so badly.

However, if I do pick the habit up again, I'll resent myself. It was so incredibly hard for me to quit! We had gotten Chantix, the pill that helps you kick the habit. One of the side effects of this pill is "unusual dreams and/or nightmares". Let me just say right now that that is a complete understatement. I have never had such terrible nightmares in my life! And they were so vivid. I would wake up in a panic, heart racing and in a cold sweat. Awful, awful dreams. And many of them included my mom which made them even more heart-wrenching. Don't get me wrong, I welcome dreams of my mom. But these were terrible. It was like I had to re-live all of the bad things that her cancer brought to our lives over and over again. After going through that, picking up the habit again would be one of the dumbest choices I could ever make for myself.

When it comes to willpower...I have very little. That is one reason why I am so glad that I don't like sweets very much. I'd be a whale of a woman if I did. I cave to temptation quite easily. A good friend shared these words with me:

"I've learned that with addictions/temptations, you have to take control of your mind. You have to weed out the truth from the lies and then cling to the truth.

If you are dead set on not smoking, you have to start doing battle with your mind and satan. He is doing everything he can to keep you in bondage to that. And worse, he is using it to cause division in your marriage.

If he cant get you trapped back into the nicotine world, he will use cigarettes to try to destroy your marriage."

Those words made me realize something. This isn't just an issue in our marriage or an issue about my struggle with temptation. A bigger, yet more hidden issue was lying just beneath the surface and the others were just piling up on top of it. The words of my friend made me realize what the biggest issue was. I had wandered away from my faith. Satan realized that, saw the opening and went in for the kill. And it was working. And he didn't just see the weakness in me. He found the loose brick in my husband's wall of defense and snatched it away, replacing it with temptation and an old addiction.

How could I have been so blind? The only time I considered God through all of this was when I thought to blame Him. I couldn't understand why He was letting this happen to us. Stupid, stupid human...always looking for someone else to blame. I am so blessed that my friend had the words to make me realize just how far off the path of faith I had traveled. If I want the other issues to go away, I have to break down the big issue that they are resting on. Because without faith, more and more problems are going to pile up.

Song recommended by my husband. "Open Skies" by David Crowder Band

Song recommended by my friend. "Already There" by Casting Crowns

Rethinking Mondays

For as long as I can remember, people have grumbled the phrase, "I hate Mondays". I myself, have said those 3 words often. I would say that out of all of the days of the week, Monday is the day that people sneer at the most. If Monday were a person, Monday would be the one sitting alone in the high school cafeteria. Even one of my most beloved cartoon characters of all time could be found declaring his hatred of Mondays in the Sunday comics.

However, I have come to realize that I should love Mondays. Yes, I said "love". I have unfairly hated Mondays for far too long. In all actuality, it was a Monday that would be the starting point of a wonderful story. A story written far before Mondays were even named on the calendar.

On Monday, February 23, 1976, a baby boy was born into this crazy world. The beginning of a story, the first breath of a journey. Another miracle of God placed on this earth. A boy that would make a girl (who wouldn't be born for nearly 3 more years) one of the luckiest girls in the world!

Since that day, that wonderful Monday, 37 years have passed. And I am lucky enough to have shared 18 of those years with that boy. Sure...he is now a man, but he still has so much of that boyish charm that I fell in love with all those years ago. We still giggle and act like teenagers at times. We have also grown so much together. While our story together isn't how a lot of people (myself included) thought it would be, I believe it has happened just as God intended.

A lot has happened in those 18 years, but I am so happy that God chose me to share those moments of the journey with him. And through us, 2 other stories began with the birth of our children. With that, I'd like to say to my husband:

Every day with you is a gift. I. Am. Blessed. I know that your birthday is supposed to be about you, but I can't help but feel like I am the special one. Honestly, I am special because I am the one who gets to spend your birthday with YOU! And I pray that God gives us many more birthdays to spend together. We already have so many amazing memories together! I can only imagine how many more great memories we will make in next 50+ years. While it is easy for me to daydream about what our future has in store for us, I don't want it to get here too quickly. I want to take the time to enjoy each and every day that we have together. We know where our stories began and then merged, but we never know when either of our stories will end. All we can do is make sure that each day in between is filled with love. Thank you for always being a gift to me!

Happy birthday, Joey. I will always & forever love you.

Ruby Falls in Tennessee