Time to Think

With the arrival of spring and some very lovely weather, I have been taking a lot of walks around our property. I always venture through the woods because it's peaceful and I enjoy taking in all that nature has to offer. Of course, I always have my trusty Canon camera with me. My favorite picture subjects are those of nature.

When I take these walks, I have a lot of time to think. The songs of the birds, the babbling of the creek and the rustling of leaves is the perfect setting for wandering thoughts. Lately my thoughts have been about things that might have been. Those things that I shouldn't dwell on because it's too easy to get down about it all. Luckily, I have been able to tell myself that if those things weren't meant to be, then they would have happened.

One of my those thoughts was about the child Joey and I never had the chance to meet. Was this child a boy or a girl? What would he/she have been like today? Who would this child take after and act like? Did this child meet his/her grandmother once she made it to heaven? A barrage of questions that I will never know the answers to.

Cullen helping his Mamaw plant flowers.

Of course, I always think about Mom. This is the time of year that she loved! Flowers are blooming and mushrooms are popping. My mom was the ultimate mushroom hunter! It frustrates me so much when I hunt for them and come up empty-handed. I find myself saying, "If Mom were here, she would be able to find them." I miss seeing her smile as she showed off her bag full of morel mushrooms.

Taken April 27, 2010 ~ These are mushrooms that Mom found right after doing her first chemo treatment. She wasn't going to let cancer keep her from the things that she loved.

Then the "I wish I had" thoughts start coming. I wish I had saved a lock of Mom's hair once it fell out due to the chemotherapy. I wish I had video of me shaving my mom's hair when she got tired of it falling out everywhere. I wish had more video of Mom...period. I know that it does not do any good to trouble myself with these thoughts. No one can go back and change the things we have or have not done. And honestly, all of those wishes are just for selfish reasons. Even if I had done those things, my life would still be as it is today.

And my life today is pretty darn good! Naturally, I wish my mom were still here with us. I wish I knew the child that should have been our first-born. However that wasn't part of God's plan. I believe it does me good to think about these things (and the many others) when I take my walks. It is all part of the healing process. I spent too many years trying to bury the things that made me feel sadness. That did not do me or my family any good. Facing our sadness helps cleanse the soul. I want to remember all of the aspects of my life that made me who I am today. Even if it involves shedding some tears.

My mom, me, my grandma and my sister.

Joey and Mom. They had a unique, but great relationship!

Taken October 2010 ~ Hayden and his Mamaw

I think everyone can benefit from taking a nice, long walk every now and again. Take time for yourself just to clear your mind. Take the time to enjoy nature and all of the beautiful things that God created! Search all around you and notice the things that normally get overlooked. And take pictures. Take lots of pictures!

Week Nine

I am still back-tracking on this project. One would assume that a person with memory problems like mine would stay current on this picture project. But...you know that saying about those who assume. All this photo editing and remembering is giving me a serious headache. Will this teach me to stay active on posting these in a timely manner?

Probably not. Here is Week 9!

Day 57: Cullen and I took advantage of the early arrival of nice weather and went on a walk. Here he is skipping rocks in the creek.

Day 58: When you don't know where to look, turn to the heavens. I do this often.

Day 59: Signs of spring! The first crocus of the year. My mom planted these years ago. It's nice to see parts of her living on in our world. I smile every time a new flower planted by her hands blooms.

Day 60: Leap Day! This is the air freshener in Joey's car. It has my favorite Bible verse on it.

Day 61: The first of many dandelions to come into our yard.

Day 62: My awesome Big Bang Theory shirt!

Day 63: Many more in bloom! Even though they don't last long, I love them because they are my favorite color!

At least I have finally made it to March! Maybe I'll be able to catch up before April arrives. Say a prayer or keep your fingers crossed for me. I need the help and motivation.

Week Eight

I have been trying to stop procrastinating, but I keep putting it off. Ha ha! See what I did there? Anyway, here are my snapshots from week 8.

Day 50: Any guesses as to what this is? If you guessed hand sanitizer from Bath & Body Works, you are correct. Apparently a slow picture day for me.

Day 51: Hayden playing with my iPhone and Lexi being nosey.

Day 52: February 21st...my Mom's birthday. Us and some of our friends who loved Mom went to her grave site to release balloons in her memory. Even though I'm smiling in this picture, it wasn't long before the tears fell. Thanks to Sharon, Wally and Kambui for joining us on this day. I'm sure Mom was smiling on us.

Day 53: Cullen and his 'Cornholio' shirt. He's such a goofball!

Day 54: February 23rd...my dearest husband's birthday! This is his gift to himself. A fuel efficient VW Jetta. (Thank goodness for tax returns).

Day 55: Some serious snow fell this day, and it fell fast! Thankfully, very little of it stuck to anything.

Day 56: One of the doves that roost around our house.

Week Seven

Wow...I have really fallen behind on my 365 album project! I guess I will spend the next few blog posts playing catch-up. Here are my pictures from the seventh week of the year. Yes, from way back in February. The 12th through the 18th to be exact.

Day 43: This is Hayden's silver medal that he received from Solo & Ensemble the previous day.

Day 44: Joey all gussied up for his interview with Rally's. I sure do love this man!

Day 45: This is what Cullen gave me for Valentine's Day. He made the 'card' and gave me one of his Pokemon cards. That boy has such a big heart!

Day 46: Hayden giving me a "get that camera outta my face" look.

Day 47: This is Hayden striking a pose after his band concert. Dressed in all black and looking cool!

Day 48: Lexi resting her head on the legs of our computer chair. 

Day 49: Sunset...it was a blah picture day.

15 Years

Fifteen years ago, I started down a new path in my life that I probably was not prepared for. No, I definitely was not prepared for it. That being said though, I am so glad that I ventured down that path because out of it has come many blessings and a life that I truly enjoy.

I was only 18 years old, standing at the alter of a small church next to the man I loved and 7 months pregnant. It was my wedding day and I was very nervous. I have never felt comfortable standing in front of people with all eyes on me. Especially when I knew that many of those eyes belonged to people who were judging me, convinced that I was making a huge mistake. After all, I was still in high school and here I was, moments away from becoming a wife and weeks away from becoming a mommy.

No, this was not how I pictured my wedding day. We were doing everything in complete reverse of what is considered "normal". I never planned to say my vows with a baby in my womb. I definitely hadn't planned on getting married before I could graduate high school. But I also didn't plan to meet and fall in love with my soul mate when I did. Life is funny that way though. It never goes as we plan.

As the Pastor read from 1 Corinthians, the sun finally broke through the dreary clouds that day and shone through the stained glass windows. I don't know how many people in that small sanctuary noticed it, but I sure did. All of my nerves were washed away at that moment and I knew then that, as long as we made Him a part of it, God would bless our marriage.

March 22, 1997 ~ Our Wedding Day

It hasn't been an easy road, but I knew it wouldn't be. We were young, we didn't have a plan and we were forced to grow up quickly. However, I wouldn't change it. I am more in love with my husband now than I was 15 years ago. Our relationship has endured some rough times, petty arguments and a myriad of other things that aren't even worth mentioning. Today, we are best friends and know one another better than we know ourselves. We laugh at things that most people wouldn't understand and we are there for each other no matter what. We have gone beyond finishing one another's sentences to saying the same sentence in unison.

I wanted to keep this as short as possible because I could easily write a novel about our life together. I have spent my entire adult life with one man. I am 33 years old and I have no idea what adult single life is like. I have no clue what it feels like to try and have children. While I didn't plan to have my children at a young age, I am very grateful I had them when I did. As the years passed, I ended up with PCOS which makes getting pregnant difficult, if at all. With that being said, we consider our children to be an early and unexpected blessing.

It's hard to believe how fast these 15 years have went by. We were married in March of '97, had our first son in May of '97 and I graduated high school in June of '97. Like I said, we did it backwards. And to everyone out there who said we wouldn't make it, all I can say is...we are still together, more in love than ever before and I think we have done a pretty good job raising our children. I don't know what the next 15 years will hold, but I look forward to spending each day with my husband and experiencing life with him by my side. I love you Joseph Don Olmsted! Always & Forever.

My newest tattoo

Joey's newest tattoo

Week Six

This set of photos isn't up there on my scale of worthiness. I guess that is much like days of the year though. Every day isn't going to be a gem. I suppose this project is teaching me something. Even though some days are less than desirable, you have to look for something in each day that makes you stop and appreciate the world around you. Here are those things in week 6 that made me stop for a moment.

Day 36: Super Bowl Sunday! This game actually ended the way that I had hoped. I didn't want to see the Patriots win in OUR house! Here is the final score in all of it's glory on our tv screen.

Day 37: Forgot to take a picture earlier in the day, so here is a crappy one that I took with my cell phone. I do love that cat's eyes!

Day 38: I always see the number 11. Whether it's on a clock, my dreams, license plates...it is prominent in my life. One day I will blog about my 111 story. Stay tuned.

Day 39: Hayden and his cap gun. This boy has always had a fascination with weapons. Not in a bad way, he has an appreciation for them. Don't go calling CPS on us. LoL!

Day 40: A small portion of our new CD collection. It has been years since we have actually purchased CD's, but Joey bought me a player for my birthday and we needed new tunes. I can't believe I didn't put any Family Force 5 in this photo!

Day 41: This is our back door. Exciting, I know. This was one of those days where I thought to myself, "Eh. This will do."

Day 42: Hayden participated in Solo and Ensemble for the first time. He was asked to be a part of a quintet. They ended up getting a silver for their performance. Doesn't he look handsome?

Like I said, I am not always pleased with the photos I use for this project. Maybe one day my life will get ultra exciting and I'll have prize worthy photos for each day of the year. Hahahaha! I know...only in my dreams.