At A Loss For Words

If only the eyes reading this knew how many times I started typing only to delete it all and start over. It's very frustrating when you want to express yourself through words, but then you hate the words that come out. I suppose that's an indication of the feelings that have been going on inside of me. There are so many, but I can't seem to figure them out well enough to express them. It's like someone mixed several jigsaw puzzles together into one box and I'm trying to sort through them and put each one back together.


My last blog post was nearly a month ago and I was feeling pretty good about it once it was completed. I was feeling pretty good about myself and about life in general. But then, as fate seems to work with me, I was quickly knocked off my happy little perch. Face down into the dirt of life and feeling like an unworthy mess all over again. Ever since then, I struggle to keep myself from worrying about everything. I feel like I am constantly harboring a sense of panic that is going to erupt at any second.


If I happen to wake up in the middle of the night, I don't even try to go back to sleep. I can't. The horrible thoughts that bounce around my head are enough to make me crazy...literally crazy. Instead, I have to find a way to distract myself.
Here's where I have to be honest with you and myself. This is the part that is hard for me. Not because I don't know how to express myself, but because I am ashamed. I'm ashamed that I let myself get to this point. 


I have found myself doubting God. Doubting His love for me and doubting that He is truly always here with me. Too many times I have prayed for help, for strength, for relief from the worry, for something to reassure that I am loved by Him and that everything will be okay. When I think my prayers have been answered, something in life creates conflict. Whether it's a person, timing or a situation...something happens and I feel like my prayers just disappear into darkness.

**(Now, as I type this, a song just came on my Pandora mix station and it has reduced me to tears. I'll get back to that in a moment.)

The loss of my mom has been weighing quite heavily on me for a while as well. I'm not sure why since it's been over a year since we lost her. There were a series of nights where I kept having dreams about her, but I wouldn't wake with a sense of happiness the next morning. I'd wake up angry. Angry at God for taking her from us. Angry because it felt like I was being punished. Angry because the dreams seemed so real, but then I'd wake up and realize that she was still gone. I would wake up from a dream into a nightmare.


The video below is "Falling Away From Me" by Korn. I haven't listened to this song in a very long time, but it kinda fit how I was feeling. No...not the suicidal part (no one panic), but just the overall tone of the song.

Songs are powerful and I believe we are meant to hear certain songs at certain times. I also know that a song can speak to each of us differently. Earlier, I mentioned a song that had just come on my Pandora playlist. It spoke to me shouted at me. Listen to that song below: "Word of God Speak" by Mercyme.

I know in my heart that God hasn't forgotten about me. I know that He hears my prayers. I need to stop letting the negative things in life create doubt in me because, in the end, it will just be me standing before God. If someone gets mad at me, that isn't God's doing. If I start feeling like I'm not good enough, that is because I'm not listening to God and I'm handing Satan another small victory.

I realize that God is always there, working in all of our lives. It took a close friend, during one of the hardest times of his life, to make me open my eyes and soften my heart to God again. He saw God in a dark time and saw the blessing that he and his family had been given. Then the song above came on just when I needed to hear it the most. I need to try to stop worrying. I will continue to pray for strength because I need it. Any additional prayers are more than welcome! I don't want to fall away from God again.

Do What Makes You Happy

I have been struggling a lot lately with my self-worth. Sometimes I just feel like I serve no purpose in this world at all. There are days that I regret quitting my job. Not because I miss it (because I honestly don't), but because at least I was doing something that had a purpose. I do miss the ladies I worked with though. And I really miss the paycheck, even though it wasn't a great one. After working in the same place for 14 years, I never even brought home $300 a week. I guess that was part of the reason I was ready to call it quits.

Now I sit here with no purpose. The saying, "Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life," is one that bothers me. Sometimes there just isn't a job out there that allows you to do what you love. The first several years that I worked at the daycare, I loved it! I loved the kids, I loved teaching them and guiding them and I loved the overall atmosphere. Like most things though, things changed and the joy of going to work everyday dwindled. I dreaded waking up each morning and walking through those doors. Eventually it was just my means of a paycheck. Nothing more. I had lost the passion and gained a lot of frustration. It wasn't worth it anymore. So, for the sake my my sanity and my family...I gave my notice and quit.

I was not going to settle just for the paycheck. Money may make life easier, but it is not everything. And it definitely isn't worth feeling defeated all of the time. I gave that job 14 years of my life. I spent my youth into adulthood at that job. What did I get when I walked away? Some goodbyes and a few friendships that I will always cherish.


Part of me is happy to have the break from the daily grind, but part of me misses it. Being a greedy human, I really miss being able to contribute to the family financially. I miss making money. When we have those moments of struggle between paychecks, I am overcome with guilt. If I had just stuck it out and dealt with the daily b.s., we would be okay. Or would we? Sometimes the frustration of work followed me home and caused tension in the sanctuary of our home. No job is worth causing a rift in our family's daily life.

I check the classifieds on a regular basis, hoping to find that my dream job waiting on me. One thing that I have noticed is that most places require you to have a degree or experience. If you don't have either of those, don't bother applying. That is a real kick in the gut for someone like me. I started working at the daycare when I was a Senior in high school and I worked there until I was 31 years old. I have no experience in anything else and I couldn't afford extra schooling. I still can't. But I'm dedicated, hard-working, willing to learn and one of the most reliable employees anyone could ask for. There's a story my old boss used to love to tell about how I tried to come to work when I was in labor with my second child. It's a true story.

So what is my dream job? I really wish I knew. What am I good at? Again...I'm unsure. At least, I am not sure when it comes to job skills. The things that I know I am good at are not going to land me a job. My passion is photography. I love to take pictures! Wherever we go, I am more at home if my camera is with me. But my passion doesn't mean that I am a pro. I take pictures of things that I find beautiful. It started as a hobby when I was a little girl. Nature is my favorite subject. There is no limit to the beauty in nature. You just have to find it. I'm not really a "people person", so I don't have a lot of experience in taking portraits of people. I think part of that is because people tend to be fickle and hard to please. You have to give them instruction and that takes away from the natural part that makes life so beautiful. And I tend to be uncomfortable around people that I don't know. I'm more of a follower and giving others direction is hard for me. I sometimes wonder if I have social anxiety disorder because I hate to be out of my comfort zone.

Here is where my self-worth comes into question. The Why. Why did God plant me here? I hate not knowing my purpose. If everyone is born for a reason, shouldn't that reason be a little more obvious? I mean seriously...I am 33 years old and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. That bothers me. 

If I am supposed to make a mark in this world, I am running out of time. Yet, no matter how many times I have prayed to God about finding my purpose, I still have no answers. I know that we are supposed to have faith that things will work out in His time, but I must admit that I am growing impatient. I have been out of work for two years. When will I find the Why of my life? Even if He didn't intend for me to ever work again a day in my life, shouldn't I be finding fulfillment in something? 

I have so many questions and no answers. I honestly don't mind being a stay-at-home mom, but I feel like I'm missing something. Not in the sense that I'm lacking something, but in the sense that the universe is pulling me to something. I just don't know what that 'something' is. Very, very frustrating. Thankfully, I have the support of my husband who told me, "Do what makes you happy." 

Maybe one day, I'll find that something that makes me happy and allows me to help support our family. I want to feel like I am contributing to the well-being of our family. Maybe I'm just in a funk. Maybe I am worrying too much about how others might be viewing me. Sometimes I feel like others are looking at me like I am lazy and that I am choosing not to work. That's not it at all. I just refuse to enter another job that is going make me hate my life. At my age, I should be happy in a career...not miserable at a job.

I'm Still Here

My lack of attention to my blog is not an indication of a lack of happenings in my life. However, it may be an indication of my reluctance to put those happenings into words. I've never been one to share a lot of aspects of my life with others. Typically, I'm the one who listens to everyone else ramble on about their happiness and woes. When asked about myself, I usually give a simple, "Everything is fine," just so I can get the spotlight off of me.

I don't even have a topic for this blog currently. As of now, the post title box is blank. Since I have no idea where this post is going, it would be foolhardy to give it a title right now.

One would think that I would have a lot to go on about since I haven't had a blog post since April. What the heck has been going on for the past 2 months? For starters, our first-born turned 15 on May 15th. I just can't believe it. I understood that when people said, "Enjoy it. Kids grow up so fast," that they were just being nostalgic, but...dang. Those childhood years really do fly by! I do have some regrets about things regarding those early years. There are things that I wish I had done more and things that I wish I had done less. Overall though, I can honestly say that I am pleased with the job we did and are still doing as parents. We were young, but we had love for our kids. We always will love our kids. And (though they still don't understand this), no matter how old they are, they will always be our kids. In my eyes, they will always be my precious babies.

I'm scanning my mind, trying to think of other happenings that are worthy of blogging about, but none are appealing to me. At least, not enough to write a paragraph about. I must be having and A.D.D. moment. OR...it could be the fact that Cullen (our 14 year old) is hovering around me like a gnat because he wants on the computer. It's really driving me crazy. In all honesty, I believe that I keep typing just to annoy him, causing him wait longer. One good turn deserves another, right? Maybe not always, but that kind of thing aggravates me. No sooner do I start doing something and one of them will inevitably interrupt me. I suppose that is one of the main complaints of moms around the world.

This post just isn't taking off like I had hoped that it would. I am actually thinking about deleting the entire thing and trying again later. Nah...I'll keep trudging along as my son sighs and says things like, "Man, that is a lot of sentences". Get over it, Son.

I do want to take a moment to acknowledge that today is my grandmother's birthday. She passed away from cancer not very long after Cullen was born. Her name was Evelyn, but we called her Grandma Jaws. It's a story I vaguely recall, but I do know that "Jaws" was a nickname that was said in jest before I was even thought of and it stuck. She was my first best friend in this world. Many times we sat together, watching Golden Girls or The Price Is Right. Losing her shook me to the core and made me question a lot about life. It even brought forth a lot of anger that I directed at God. It took me a long time to be able to put my trust and faith in God again.

My Grandma holding Hayden.

My Grandma was just in her 60's when she passed away. My mom had yet to turn 61 when cancer took her from us. It's really scary to think that I may only live another 30 years (or less). I pray that I can at least make it to 80 years of age. That would be quite an accomplishment judging by my family's history. The two women that I looked up to in this world were taken away far too soon. Speaking quite honestly here, I fear death. As a Jesus follower, I know that I shouldn't, but I do. I don't want to leave this world or my family. I'm not ready now and I don't believe that I will be ready in 30 years. That's a topic for an entirely different blog I suppose.

With that, I'll just close by sending birthday blessings up to my Grandma J. and I pray that her and Mom are watching over me.

My second tattoo was a tribute to my grandma. That is her actual signature taken from an old birthday card.

Frustration & Disappointment

I have to take the time to vent and get some stuff off of my chest. This will probably come back to bite me in the butt, however it needs to be said. I can't keep this stuff inside me any longer. If someone reading this happens to get offended, all I ask you to do is ask yourself why you are offended.

My disappoint and frustration lies with my Relay For Life team. Not everyone, but the majority of them. Some of the frustration lies with people who aren't even part of the team! The reason for that is because there are people in my life who told me that they would be there for me when it comes to Relay and that they would help me out in any way they could. So where are they? Why haven't they registered for the team like they led me to believe they would?

I got involved in Relay For Life many years ago. After I lost my grandma to cervical cancer, I knew that I wanted to do all that I could to fight this disease. In 2008, Joey and I decided to start our own Relay For Life team and we called it the CUREsaders. Our hope was that family and friends would get together and have fun fighting a disease that has touched each of our lives.

The pictures here are from our first year doing Relay.

We had a lot of fun our first year at Relay. That was until the epic storm hit that resulted in the worst flood Morgan County had ever experienced. The city was devastated. Most of our personal possessions were lost in that flood. It was truly heart-breaking. Looking back, I should have taken that as some sort of omen of things to come. You'll understand as you read on.

The CUREsaders grew a bit in 2009. We had more fundraisers and a were fairly pleased with our success. Joey and I even helped out on the RFL Committee. We were very busy that year with all things Relay. I felt so blessed to have people around me who were as passionate about the cause as I was. At the end of the event, I was determined to make each year better than the one before.

Some of our 2009 CUREsader team.

Our team changed a bit in 2010. We had returning members and some new members. Relay For Life of 2010 will always be bittersweet for me. On April 2nd of 2010, my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. She had been going through chemotherapy and dealing with the ups and downs of that. Right before the Relay event, we learned that my mom's tumor was gone. We were so ecstatic! She would be walking with her best friend as a Survivor during Relay. Her 'In Honor Of' Luminaria was proudly displayed in front of our site.

Luminarias for my Grandma and Mom.

My Mom (right) and her best friend (left) walking the Survivor lap.

My most treasured photo of my Mom and I. I was so happy in that moment.

Relay For Life of 2011 was so very difficult for me. I had an internal battle for a long time about whether or not I even wanted to participate. We lost Mom in January of 2011. Her tumor came back and the cancer took over. Yet again, cancer had taken another piece of my heart away from me. I decided to continue on as team captain of the CUREsaders that year for a couple of reasons: #1. I didn't want cancer to keep me from continuing the fight. #2. I had a lot of friends tell me that they would be there for me to help me through.

My friend Wendy and I on the cover of the local newspaper. She also does all that she can for Relay after losing her brother to cancer. He was also one of Joey's best friends. 2011 was a hard year for all of us.

Sadly, many of those friends let me down. In the deepest moments of grief, I believe a lot of them told me what I wanted to hear. Unfortunately, I learned that they were just words and actions (or lack thereof) speak louder than words. I felt defeated and betrayed. It was our worst Relay year to date. Fundraising was pitiful and the passion was hardly there. Don't get me wrong...I am beyond grateful for those who were there for my family. If you were there last year, I thank you from the bottom of my heart! Your presence alone meant more to me than I will ever be able to express.

I honestly felt like I had let my mom down after last year's Relay event. The fact that she wasn't there was overwhelming enough. I couldn't even stay and watch the Survivor's lap. I tried, but it was just too painful. Instead, I walked away from the event and cried my eyes out. Thank God for my husband and son who came and sat by my side. We made it through together.

The most difficult Luminaria I've ever had to make.

So far, Relay For Life of 2012 isn't going well for team CUREsaders. Fundraisers are failing and I'm not getting much help from my team. There are 15 people who have registered online, but I only hear from one of them when it comes to Relay stuff. There are people who told me that they would be a part of our team, but they haven't registered. Here's where I need to vent. I can not do this alone. I can not do this with just a couple of other people. I understand that everyone only has so much time to dedicate to this sort of thing, but that's why we form a team. To help one another. I'm out of ideas for fundraisers and when I do present an idea...I get little to no feedback. I'm ready to throw in the towel. I don't want to, but I hate feeling like a failure.

I'm learning that my passion for this runs a lot deeper than it does for others. That's fine. I don't blame people for that. But when I start to think that I can't devote the time to do my part in the fight against cancer, I remind myself of all of the cancer patients out there who have no choice but to spend each minute of their lives fighting it.

There are only 44 days until Martinsville's Relay For Life event. I'm still undecided as to whether or not I will be there. The way I see it, I'd probably be sitting at our designated sight alone as teams all around me have fun while raising funds for the American Cancer Society. Maybe I'm being overly pessimistic, but I really haven't seen anything to prove to me that I'm wrong. So...I will spend the next 40+ days having an inner battle with myself. To go or not to go?

On the off chance that someone is actually reading this, a link to our ACS team page is below. On that page you can view our team, make donations, register as part of the team and read about why we Relay.

CUREsaders Relay For Life Team Page

Week Twelve

Here is another week where I spent as much time as possible outdoors. It is getting really difficult to pick just one picture to use for each day. As a matter of fact, one day I could not stick to just one. You'll see.

Day 78: This ugly bug had a very pretty emerald hue to it. You gotta try to find the beauty in everything.

Day 79: I'm still trying to get a great picture of these pretty blue birds. Unfortunately, you can't see the deep blue in this picture.

Day 80: Daffodils that have bloomed. My mom planted these many, many years ago.

Day 81: If you look near the bottom left corner, you'll see a nasty spider crept into the picture frame. If I had noticed him when I took this, I would have been running in the opposite direction. I hope the pretty flower overshadows his creepiness.

Day 82: This was our 15th wedding anniversary. Since Joey had to work this day, I spent it with God and nature.

Day 83: I could not decide which picture I wanted to use for this day, so I picked a few and made a collage.

Day 84: This beautiful butterfly kept fluttering along with me down the driveway.

This is just a fraction of the pictures I snapped throughout the twelfth week. I hope you enjoy looking at them as much as I enjoy taking them!

Week Eleven

This was a fantastic week to venture outdoors and enjoy nature! Such warm weather for this time of year! Wildflowers blooming, critters scampering, birds singing and dew on the leaves. I was totally in my element this week. Here are glimpses of some of the things I marveled at during week eleven.

Day 71: Squirrels are such adorable critters! I do love to watch them bounce around the yard and jump from tree to tree. 

Day 72: I had never seen this bird around our place before. He is so beautiful! It's not easy to get a good picture of these birds though. As soon as I'd get within 10 feet of them, they would fly away.

Day 73: Wildflowers popping up and speckling the ground with color.

Day 74: I know, this looks kind of nasty. These are frog eggs and those black specks are tadpoles.

Day 75: Here is another bird that I love to watch, but it is also very hard to get a good picture of them.

Day 76: Morning dew on the leaves of a thorn bush along our creek. I think it's neat how the drops look like mini crystal balls sitting precariously along the edge of the leaves.

Day 77: Such pretty little flowers that are all over the woods. After all these years, I still can't help but pick them and scrutinize every little detail of them.

Get used to seeing a lot of outdoor pictures for awhile. When it comes to my camera and I, we are happiest photographing nature. Nothing against people, but no direction is needed when it comes to nature. And yes, I did just refer to my camera as and object that has feelings. LoL!

Wait And See

I was just sitting here listening to Pandora on my phone and this song came on and the lyrics made me stop what I was doing and really listen. I have heard this song before, but today it was like God was telling me to stop and take in the words. Immediately, I thought of Cullen. Granted, the words are not 100% accurate to his life, but the song had him written in it. It is titled "Wait and See" by Brandon Heath and I posted it below.

Wait and See

Apparently my emotions are all over the place today because this song invoked tears and smiles. Let me explain why I thought of our Cullen Jean.

In the beginning of the song, he mentions how the doctor said after his birth that he was lucky to be alive. Cullen was born premature, but seemed fairly healthy. However, a few days after we brought him home, he had choked on his formula and some of it went into his lungs. We heard a single loud cry and then nothing. He couldn't breathe. We were frantic and instantly called an ambulance. This was the only time that my First Aid and CPR training came in handy. I did what I could until the ambulance got there. Obviously, all turned out well, but it was one of the most frightening moments of our life.

A younger Cullen Jean

Then there is this part of the song:

I’ve been trouble since the day that I got here

Trouble till the day that I disappear

That’ll be the day that I finally get it right

Now, don't misunderstand me here. Cullen hasn't always been trouble. He has always been a bit of a handful with a personality that was and is very unique. He is stubborn to a fault and works on his own agenda. It doesn't matter if it's teachers, parents, friends or his brother...Cullen will argue with anyone.

I never really was that good in school

I talked too much, broke the rules

Teacher thought I was hopeless fool alright

Needless to say, we have had our fair share and then some of phone calls from school. Not because Cullen isn't good at school though. He is very intelligent! I'm not just saying that because I'm his mom either. All of his teachers have said the same thing. He is an honor student, in accelerated classes and does math in his head like a human calculator. His problems in school are a result of his inability to control his mouth and emotions.  Of course, we now know that is due to his Asperger's Syndrome. If only we had known that a long time ago. Starting way back to preschool until present day, our youngest has kept us on our toes. I don't see that changing anytime soon. And I'm okay with that.

Note the Honor Student shirt : )

I believe Cullen has the potential to do a number of great things in his life. When that boy puts his mind to something, there is no stopping him. I'm anxious to see the Cullen of the future, but I'm not in any hurry for that to happen. The years have already flown by too quickly. So, I guess I will just have to "Wait and See".

Week Ten

This was not a great week for our family, but I hope that the photos below give the illusion that it was somewhat normal. Like always, some of these pictures I am proud of. Others...not so much. I am amazed that I have managed to make it this far into the year without giving up on this project all together! Here are the photos from the tenth week of 2012. Feel free to leave comments below.

Day 64: Yes, I was one of those people who stood at the kitchen counter for far too long trying to stand an egg on end. As you can see, I finally did it! Actually, I did it 2 times. The first time, as I was boasting my accomplishment to Hayden, he knocked it over and chuckled. The second time, I showed Cullen thinking that he would appreciate my egg balancing prowess. He also knocked it over. Teenagers are hard to impress.

Day 65: I bought this necklace because it reminded me of my grandmother. She loved owls! I miss her so much. Like a lot of granddaughters, my grandmother was my first best friend!

Day 66: Cullen stood still for approximately 20 seconds so I could snap a picture of him. Sadly, our boys are like me in the fact that they do NOT enjoy having their picture taken.

Day 67: Precious and Cullen nuzzling against one another. He loves getting "head bumps" from that cat. And the quote that I put on this picture couldn't be more true when it comes to Cullen.

Day 68: I blame the poor quality of this photo on the fact that it was taken with my iPhone. Cullen put Lexi in our laundry basket and she could not figure out how to get out. She isn't the smartest dog.

Day 69: Bad day equals bad picture day. But I must say that God does paint a pretty sunset.

Day 70: If I'm not pleased with a picture, I find that placing a good quote or song lyric on it improves it's quality just a bit. These words are from Lee Ann Womack's, "I Hope You Dance". I love this song.

There ya have it! Week 10 has finally been posted. And here I sit...still playing catch-up.

Time to Think

With the arrival of spring and some very lovely weather, I have been taking a lot of walks around our property. I always venture through the woods because it's peaceful and I enjoy taking in all that nature has to offer. Of course, I always have my trusty Canon camera with me. My favorite picture subjects are those of nature.

When I take these walks, I have a lot of time to think. The songs of the birds, the babbling of the creek and the rustling of leaves is the perfect setting for wandering thoughts. Lately my thoughts have been about things that might have been. Those things that I shouldn't dwell on because it's too easy to get down about it all. Luckily, I have been able to tell myself that if those things weren't meant to be, then they would have happened.

One of my those thoughts was about the child Joey and I never had the chance to meet. Was this child a boy or a girl? What would he/she have been like today? Who would this child take after and act like? Did this child meet his/her grandmother once she made it to heaven? A barrage of questions that I will never know the answers to.

Cullen helping his Mamaw plant flowers.

Of course, I always think about Mom. This is the time of year that she loved! Flowers are blooming and mushrooms are popping. My mom was the ultimate mushroom hunter! It frustrates me so much when I hunt for them and come up empty-handed. I find myself saying, "If Mom were here, she would be able to find them." I miss seeing her smile as she showed off her bag full of morel mushrooms.

Taken April 27, 2010 ~ These are mushrooms that Mom found right after doing her first chemo treatment. She wasn't going to let cancer keep her from the things that she loved.

Then the "I wish I had" thoughts start coming. I wish I had saved a lock of Mom's hair once it fell out due to the chemotherapy. I wish I had video of me shaving my mom's hair when she got tired of it falling out everywhere. I wish had more video of Mom...period. I know that it does not do any good to trouble myself with these thoughts. No one can go back and change the things we have or have not done. And honestly, all of those wishes are just for selfish reasons. Even if I had done those things, my life would still be as it is today.

And my life today is pretty darn good! Naturally, I wish my mom were still here with us. I wish I knew the child that should have been our first-born. However that wasn't part of God's plan. I believe it does me good to think about these things (and the many others) when I take my walks. It is all part of the healing process. I spent too many years trying to bury the things that made me feel sadness. That did not do me or my family any good. Facing our sadness helps cleanse the soul. I want to remember all of the aspects of my life that made me who I am today. Even if it involves shedding some tears.

My mom, me, my grandma and my sister.

Joey and Mom. They had a unique, but great relationship!

Taken October 2010 ~ Hayden and his Mamaw

I think everyone can benefit from taking a nice, long walk every now and again. Take time for yourself just to clear your mind. Take the time to enjoy nature and all of the beautiful things that God created! Search all around you and notice the things that normally get overlooked. And take pictures. Take lots of pictures!

Week Nine

I am still back-tracking on this project. One would assume that a person with memory problems like mine would stay current on this picture project. But...you know that saying about those who assume. All this photo editing and remembering is giving me a serious headache. Will this teach me to stay active on posting these in a timely manner?

Probably not. Here is Week 9!

Day 57: Cullen and I took advantage of the early arrival of nice weather and went on a walk. Here he is skipping rocks in the creek.

Day 58: When you don't know where to look, turn to the heavens. I do this often.

Day 59: Signs of spring! The first crocus of the year. My mom planted these years ago. It's nice to see parts of her living on in our world. I smile every time a new flower planted by her hands blooms.

Day 60: Leap Day! This is the air freshener in Joey's car. It has my favorite Bible verse on it.

Day 61: The first of many dandelions to come into our yard.

Day 62: My awesome Big Bang Theory shirt!

Day 63: Many more in bloom! Even though they don't last long, I love them because they are my favorite color!

At least I have finally made it to March! Maybe I'll be able to catch up before April arrives. Say a prayer or keep your fingers crossed for me. I need the help and motivation.