My disappoint and frustration lies with my Relay For Life team. Not everyone, but the majority of them. Some of the frustration lies with people who aren't even part of the team! The reason for that is because there are people in my life who told me that they would be there for me when it comes to Relay and that they would help me out in any way they could. So where are they? Why haven't they registered for the team like they led me to believe they would?
I got involved in Relay For Life many years ago. After I lost my grandma to cervical cancer, I knew that I wanted to do all that I could to fight this disease. In 2008, Joey and I decided to start our own Relay For Life team and we called it the CUREsaders. Our hope was that family and friends would get together and have fun fighting a disease that has touched each of our lives.
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| The pictures here are from our first year doing Relay. |
We had a lot of fun our first year at Relay. That was until the epic storm hit that resulted in the worst flood Morgan County had ever experienced. The city was devastated. Most of our personal possessions were lost in that flood. It was truly heart-breaking. Looking back, I should have taken that as some sort of omen of things to come. You'll understand as you read on.
The CUREsaders grew a bit in 2009. We had more fundraisers and a were fairly pleased with our success. Joey and I even helped out on the RFL Committee. We were very busy that year with all things Relay. I felt so blessed to have people around me who were as passionate about the cause as I was. At the end of the event, I was determined to make each year better than the one before.
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| Some of our 2009 CUREsader team. |
Our team changed a bit in 2010. We had returning members and some new members. Relay For Life of 2010 will always be bittersweet for me. On April 2nd of 2010, my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. She had been going through chemotherapy and dealing with the ups and downs of that. Right before the Relay event, we learned that my mom's tumor was gone. We were so ecstatic! She would be walking with her best friend as a Survivor during Relay. Her 'In Honor Of' Luminaria was proudly displayed in front of our site.
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| Luminarias for my Grandma and Mom. |
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| My Mom (right) and her best friend (left) walking the Survivor lap. |
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| My most treasured photo of my Mom and I. I was so happy in that moment. |
Relay For Life of 2011 was so very difficult for me. I had an internal battle for a long time about whether or not I even wanted to participate. We lost Mom in January of 2011. Her tumor came back and the cancer took over. Yet again, cancer had taken another piece of my heart away from me. I decided to continue on as team captain of the CUREsaders that year for a couple of reasons: #1. I didn't want cancer to keep me from continuing the fight. #2. I had a lot of friends tell me that they would be there for me to help me through.
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| My friend Wendy and I on the cover of the local newspaper. She also does all that she can for Relay after losing her brother to cancer. He was also one of Joey's best friends. 2011 was a hard year for all of us. |
Sadly, many of those friends let me down. In the deepest moments of grief, I believe a lot of them told me what I wanted to hear. Unfortunately, I learned that they were just words and actions (or lack thereof) speak louder than words. I felt defeated and betrayed. It was our worst Relay year to date. Fundraising was pitiful and the passion was hardly there. Don't get me wrong...I am beyond grateful for those who were there for my family. If you were there last year, I thank you from the bottom of my heart! Your presence alone meant more to me than I will ever be able to express.
I honestly felt like I had let my mom down after last year's Relay event. The fact that she wasn't there was overwhelming enough. I couldn't even stay and watch the Survivor's lap. I tried, but it was just too painful. Instead, I walked away from the event and cried my eyes out. Thank God for my husband and son who came and sat by my side. We made it through together.
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| The most difficult Luminaria I've ever had to make. |
So far, Relay For Life of 2012 isn't going well for team CUREsaders. Fundraisers are failing and I'm not getting much help from my team. There are 15 people who have registered online, but I only hear from one of them when it comes to Relay stuff. There are people who told me that they would be a part of our team, but they haven't registered. Here's where I need to vent. I can not do this alone. I can not do this with just a couple of other people. I understand that everyone only has so much time to dedicate to this sort of thing, but that's why we form a team. To help one another. I'm out of ideas for fundraisers and when I do present an idea...I get little to no feedback. I'm ready to throw in the towel. I don't want to, but I hate feeling like a failure.
I'm learning that my passion for this runs a lot deeper than it does for others. That's fine. I don't blame people for that. But when I start to think that I can't devote the time to do my part in the fight against cancer, I remind myself of all of the cancer patients out there who have no choice but to spend each minute of their lives fighting it.
There are only 44 days until Martinsville's Relay For Life event. I'm still undecided as to whether or not I will be there. The way I see it, I'd probably be sitting at our designated sight alone as teams all around me have fun while raising funds for the American Cancer Society. Maybe I'm being overly pessimistic, but I really haven't seen anything to prove to me that I'm wrong. So...I will spend the next 40+ days having an inner battle with myself. To go or not to go?
On the off chance that someone is actually reading this, a link to our ACS team page is below. On that page you can view our team, make donations, register as part of the team and read about why we Relay.
I love you.
ReplyDeleteThanks...I needed to hear that. I love ya back!
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